Hammer Time ebookee

And now the town is overrun with the rascally vermin As the infestation spreads so does the range of opinion of what to do with them The lifers at the old folks home feed the bunnies and drone on about how cute they were Hunters shoot them Gardeners poison them Long time locals trap and eat them Let the coyotes take care of them says the crowd at The Ho during happenstances of lucidity Make crafts out of them says the yogaists A group of internet informed citizens favoured sending bunnies to a refuge in Arizona which claimed they d be sterilized and then supposedly be pampered and live out the rest of their lives in peace Every single person in town was married to a stance they wanted to shout about. Hammer Time ebookee Arguments over what to do with the bunnies were just the beginning Soon people were arguing about everything.

Hammer time without music

And now the town is overrun with the rascally vermin As the infestation spreads so does the range of opinion of what to do with them The lifers at the old folks home feed the bunnies and drone on about how cute they were Hunters shoot them Gardeners poison them Long time locals trap and eat them Let the coyotes take care of them says the crowd at The Ho during happenstances of lucidity Make crafts out of them says the yogaists A group of internet informed citizens favoured sending bunnies to a refuge in Arizona which claimed they d be sterilized and then supposedly be pampered and live out the rest of their lives in peace Every single person in town was married to a stance they wanted to shout about. Hammer time expression Arguments over what to do with the bunnies were just the beginning Soon people were arguing about everything.

Hammer time meaning

800 years ago in East Prussia a tiny group of people had a revelation Adult baptism was the one truth path They split from their Mennonite brothers sisters and formed a breakaway group known as the Dunkards After having been escorted from East Prussia Switzerland and New York our happy little clan ended up in Waterloo the black walnuts having shown us the way Even for us the breeding pool was getting somewhat small and we decided once to allow breeding with the formerly heathen Mennonites enabling us to expand our choices to our 2nd and in some cases our 3rd cousins. Hammer time auction Hammer Time is an hilarious noir detective farce imagine the love child of Mickey Spillane and Stephen Leacock Private eye Jack Hammer is our height challenged hero His beloved small town of Can is being torn apart We follow Hammer as he gathers the forces of good to track down what is behind it all The cast includes Hammer s partner a ranch girl doll named Moira Pepperleigh The Thomson twins Bitsy and Stiffy Side kick Axe town drunk Timmy newspaper editor Shelly Hussel the savants at Jefferson s barber shop and the old folks who make up the crime fighting crew that come to be known as The Dependables round out Hammer s forces Who is behind it all Is it the goddamned bunnies Is it the usual perpetrators of evil in Can the property developers Or is it someone or something inconceivably evil 1 Order Hammer Time here Prologue Got your message Can you come to the trailer I ve got something for you That could mean something I d earlier caught a glimpse of or it could mean Stiffy or Bitsy or whatever she wanted to call herself had an instruction manual on how it worked Either way the blood in my brain was moving south I found my cabbie Dave at his usual table at the Ho and promised him a brace of fivers from my roll were he to get me to the trailer park on time I pushed open the door to 65a Belle was sleeping on the kitchen floor I nudged her with my foot She opened an eye licked my toe and resumed snoring where she d left off Above and beyond Stiffy posed in the bedroom doorway She d taken off the wig What had been long and red was now short and black Eyes once green were now dark brown The rest was the same I could tell because she had nothing on but the drink in her hand Stiffy Call me Bitsy Hammer she said and opened her arms. Hammer time auction The no my brain was insisting upon was drowned out by something else screaming yes I walked towards her She knelt and pulled my head between her breasts Then she stood and led me to her bed Sooner rather than later I d had my fill of her Later after I d returned the compliment and after we d burnt or way through a couple of Luckies I reached for my clothes Bitsy had another idea As I approached the mound and wound up my tired arm for the throw to home that would complete the triple play Bitsy moved to the window opposite the bed the window that backed on to the forest the window she had insisted we leave open an idea I hadn t agreed with but which I was in no position to argue over She stood beside it now presenting her picture perfect profile I stood on the bed We kissed bare chests pressing the soft skin of her tummy rubbing against me Before the ball arrived at the catcher s mitt Belle leapt onto the bed crashed into me and knocked me to the floor A split second later there was the sound of glass shattering and then the sound of Belle as she broke through the front door her matted fur a bullet sheen as she sped away Bitsy She fell to the ground before me eyes open a tear dropping to the carpet mixing with the blood gathering there the blood from a bullet wound just above her left breast I grabbed my cell and dialed 911 while cradling her head in my lap Just hold me she whispered before her eyes closed Sirens announced the ambulance s arrival The paramedics took Bitsy away and then it was just me sitting bewildered amongst the blood and broken glass How had I ended up in a trailer park cradling a dark haired girl in my arms It began with barking dogs and bunnies that s how The goddamned bunnies Chapter 1It was the kind of early autumn day where the virgin white snow covering the street s sins was turning to grey brown sludge under the morning s hot sun I wasn t sorry to see the mess disappear I m already the keeper of secrets than I want some of them are shabby others sordid and almost every one I could do without While sloshing through the mess I tapped a Lucky from the deck took a few draws flicked the butt towards the gutter and watched it turn in a graceful arc before fizzing out in the slush Main Street is lined with the usual small tourist town establishments souvenir stores chocolate and candy shops stores selling outdoor and mountain gear bicycle shops a dollar store wine and beer shops and a druggist Jefferson s Barbershop holds a place of honor at the halfway point There are a dozen restaurants and bars anchored on one end by the Ho and at the other by the Grizz The balance is taken up by coffee shops their numbers legion. Hammer time the final test I looked to the south Eeyore the East End of Rundle stands to the right legend has it Atlantis lies buried beneath its magnificent summit My eyes skipped east from it and across White Man s Gap to Ha Ling named after a Chinese immigrant cook at the Oskaloosa Hotel in the late 1800 s Ha Ling is trailed by Mount Lawrence Grassi longer term residents know it as Ehagay Nakoda It s punctuated by Ship s Prow Next are the most famous of Can s landmarks the Three Sisters or the Three Nuns when it snows Faith Charity and Hope the three so pretty they re the backdrop for many movie mountain scenes A lycra skinned cyclist racing down the Street on his 10000 bicycle sporting an aerodynamic helmet sculpted shades and an indoor tan interrupted my veneration As he approached the aging Subaru Forester parked on the side of the road the driver s door swung open The cyclist hit it head on performed a Salchow even a Russian judge would have awarded a seven and landed in a heap in the middle of Main He lay there for a moment before coming to He disentangled his still cleated bike shoes from what was left of his mangled bike and struggled to his feet The driver closed her door to wait for the next one You have to admire someone who finds something useful to do with her retirement. Literature fiction hammer time analysis Life on Main Street continued as though nothing had happened Jaywalkers ambled randomly about Tourists took photos of the mountain vista from vantage points in the middle of Main In front of the Ho bums drunks and the occasional misguided tourist sat on the bench marked by the sign Reserved for the Veterans of Foreign Wars and Pensioners The Ho rents rooms by the hour the roof is falling apart and there is a For Sale sign that has hung in front since the coal mine closed down in the mid eighties The only miner there now is the statue out front a tribute to days when men were men and the Ho took their paychecks every Saturday night. Hammer Time ebookee Back on Main drivers struggled to parallel park creeping back and forth a dozen times or until at last satisfied with their efforts four feet from the curb and with just enough space in front and behind to make it impossible for another car to fit in either spot Traffic backed down Main all the way to the railroad crossing where a train after reversing forward and back for a half hour finally sighed to a stop It left another row of cars lined up to the Trans Canada where grizzlies goats moose and elk dodged cars and trucks doing 130 in the 90 km zone. Hammer time the final test The name s Hammer Jack Hammer I m a small town dick My enemies a genus not limited in number call me Tack Not to my face unless they want to spend the rest of their days walking on broken knees I m not what you d call a people person Not since I got tired of the procession of desperate women who if they stayed long enough in whatever crummy basement fleapit we were staying in wanted me to call them Mommy Tired of getting the crap beaten out of me every drunken night or hungover morning by the miserable son of a bitch who called himself my father I left that sorry past behind at the not so tender age of fifteen My real mother She died giving birth The surprise was too much for her the son of a bitch told me every single day As I watched my small town world pass by I was nearly bowled over I looked up to the departing backside Tall guy Dressed in a fedora a shiny suit white socks and shiny black leather shoes Sorry buddy I should watch out Shouldn t you be back in the valley growing corn He turned to face me Hammer Didn t notice you down there What brings you to Can They need a short order cook or something Righty Lieskowitz Of all people Righty is a left handed son of a bitch who lives on the wrong side of the law He s second in command of the Bingo Silzer gang a conglomerate of dimwits who fritter about the edge of the underworld in Cowtown picking up the bits and pieces even Dave Clark wouldn t be interested in Righty being in Can didn t auger well for two and two coming up four I slipped on my brass knuckles and just for old times sake gave him a shot to the lower stomach area. Hammer time achievement hitman I ve had to deal with guys like Righty all my life Guys who think a short guy is a pushover In one of the few schools I had stayed at than a single term a bully used to beat me up every day on my way home At the time my father had managed to keep the same girlfriend for a couple of months A record for him She d sworn off booze and drugs and for those few months there was someone in my life who gave a damn She refused to help me It would only get worse if she stepped in she told me One day in my Grade 2 year I at last fought back All the rage that had built up inside me came out I beat the crap out of my tormenter having learned the lesson my one time mommy wanted me to What brings you to Can Righty You lost or something Vacation Hammer he managed in between spews This is the wrong place for you Righty The rest of the boys here with you Nah They re at a yoga retreat Sounds like them You need to get out of my town Righty Before you get a lefty It s a free country Hammer Maybe for citizens Righty Pond scum need to stay where they belong One of these days Hammer Wait in line dickwad Smug assholes shouted someone from inside the nearest coffee shop The place used to be known as Al s Coffee when it was one of only two coffee shops in town Old timers in Al s weekenders in the other Now Now there are a dozen or places you can get a cup of Joe the last time I added up After Al was eaten by a bear Al s Coffee became Beanz Me Up and was claimed as a hangout by people with imagined dietary restrictions Then like a cell getting ready to divide Beanz Me Up split apart The Lactose Intolerants moved to the left and the Gluten Frees took up residence on the right The Gluten Frees took the Lactose Intolerants bait Shut up fartbags someone in their group retorted A non dairy creamer sailed by and struck one of the Gluten Frees in the forehead A cloud of inedible muffins went by in the other direction turning the argument into a full fledged food fight The barista dove for cover behind the counter The Gluten Frees had a clear advantage Their leaden pastries were taking a toll on the Lactose Intolerants meager arsenal of small plastic containers I made it around the corner to the steps to my office just in time to avoid their full scale retreat They re going to lose our business that s for sure one of the Intolerants whined as he attempted to clean mutated crumbs from his hemp shirt succeeding only in rubbing them in deeply Let s start our own shop said another a proclamation greeted with rare and sure to be brief agreement In the blink of an eye the discussion over what to name the prospective and unnecessary coffee shop turned to an argument threatening to splinter the nascent group It wasn t just the Intolerants Everybody in town is fighting with everybody else these days Blame it on the goddamned bunnies They re tearing this mountain town apart Two years ago some fool had let a pair of breeding bunnies loose Soon there were a dozen then a few hundred no matter how insignificant it might be and coffee shops were multiplying to accommodate the growing number of uncompromising views It was the bunny boom that started it all it is the bunnies that are ruining a mountain haven and turning it into a place where a guy couldn t walk unfettered down the sidewalk he used to call his own Prologue Got your message Can you come to the trailer I ve got something for you That could mean something I d earlier caught a glimpse of or it could mean Stiffy or Bitsy or whatever she wanted to call herself had an instruction manual on how it worked Either way the blood in my brain was moving south I found my cabbie Dave at his usual table at the Ho and promised him a brace of fivers from my roll were he to get me to the trailer park on time I pushed open the door to 65a Belle was sleeping on the kitchen floor I nudged her with my foot She opened an eye licked my toe and resumed snoring where she d left off Above and beyond Stiffy posed in the bedroom doorway She d taken off the wig What had been long and red was now short and black Eyes once green were now dark brown The rest was the same I could tell because she had nothing on but the drink in her hand Stiffy Call me Bitsy Hammer she said and opened her arms. Hammer time discord The no my brain was insisting upon was drowned out by something else screaming yes I walked towards her She knelt and pulled my head between her breasts Then she stood and led me to her bed Sooner rather than later I d had my fill of her Later after I d returned the compliment and after we d burnt or way through a couple of Luckies I reached for my clothes Bitsy had another idea As I approached the mound and wound up my tired arm for the throw to home that would complete the triple play Bitsy moved to the window opposite the bed the window that backed on to the forest the window she had insisted we leave open an idea I hadn t agreed with but which I was in no position to argue over She stood beside it now presenting her picture perfect profile I stood on the bed We kissed bare chests pressing the soft skin of her tummy rubbing against me Before the ball arrived at the catcher s mitt Belle leapt onto the bed crashed into me and knocked me to the floor A split second later there was the sound of glass shattering and then the sound of Belle as she broke through the front door her matted fur a bullet sheen as she sped away Bitsy She fell to the ground before me eyes open a tear dropping to the carpet mixing with the blood gathering there the blood from a bullet wound just above her left breast I grabbed my cell and dialed 911 while cradling her head in my lap Just hold me she whispered before her eyes closed Sirens announced the ambulance s arrival The paramedics took Bitsy away and then it was just me sitting bewildered amongst the blood and broken glass How had I ended up in a trailer park cradling a dark haired girl in my arms It began with barking dogs and bunnies that s how The goddamned bunnies Chapter 1It was the kind of early autumn day where the virgin white snow covering the street s sins was turning to grey brown sludge under the morning s hot sun I wasn t sorry to see the mess disappear I m already the keeper of secrets than I want some of them are shabby others sordid and almost every one I could do without While sloshing through the mess I tapped a Lucky from the deck took a few draws flicked the butt towards the gutter and watched it turn in a graceful arc before fizzing out in the slush Main Street is lined with the usual small tourist town establishments souvenir stores chocolate and candy shops stores selling outdoor and mountain gear bicycle shops a dollar store wine and beer shops and a druggist Jefferson s Barbershop holds a place of honor at the halfway point There are a dozen restaurants and bars anchored on one end by the Ho and at the other by the Grizz The balance is taken up by coffee shops their numbers legion. Hammer time the final test I looked to the south Eeyore the East End of Rundle stands to the right legend has it Atlantis lies buried beneath its magnificent summit My eyes skipped east from it and across White Man s Gap to Ha Ling named after a Chinese immigrant cook at the Oskaloosa Hotel in the late 1800 s Ha Ling is trailed by Mount Lawrence Grassi longer term residents know it as Ehagay Nakoda It s punctuated by Ship s Prow Next are the most famous of Can s landmarks the Three Sisters or the Three Nuns when it snows Faith Charity and Hope the three so pretty they re the backdrop for many movie mountain scenes A lycra skinned cyclist racing down the Street on his 10000 bicycle sporting an aerodynamic helmet sculpted shades and an indoor tan interrupted my veneration As he approached the aging Subaru Forester parked on the side of the road the driver s door swung open The cyclist hit it head on performed a Sal chow even a Russian judge would have awarded a seven and landed in a heap in the middle of Main He lay there for a moment before coming to He disentangled his still cleated bike shoes from what was left of his mangled bike and struggled to his feet The driver closed her door to wait for the next one You have to admire someone who finds something useful to do with her retirement. Hammer time the final test Life on Main Street continued as though nothing had happened Jaywalkers ambled randomly about Tourists took photos of the mountain vista from vantage points in the middle of Main In front of the Ho bums drunks and the occasional misguided tourist sat on the bench marked by the sign Reserved for the Veterans of Foreign Wars and Pensioners The Ho rents rooms by the hour the roof is falling apart and there is a For Sale sign that has hung in front since the coal mine closed down in the mid eighties The only miner there now is the statue out front a tribute to days when men were men and the Ho took their paychecks every Saturday night. Hammer time dance gif Back on Main drivers struggled to parallel park creeping back and forth a dozen times or until at last satisfied with their efforts four feet from the curb and with just enough space in front and behind to make it impossible for another car to fit in either spot Traffic backed down Main all the way to the railroad crossing where a train after reversing forward and back for a half hour finally sighed to a stop It left another row of cars lined up to the Trans Canada where grizzlies goats moose and elk dodged cars and trucks doing 130 in the 90 km zone. Hammer time book The name s Hammer Jack Hammer I m a small town dick My enemies a genus not limited in number call me Tack Not to my face unless they want to spend the rest of their days walking on broken knees I m not what you d call a people person Not since I got tired of the procession of desperate women who if they stayed long enough in whatever crummy basement fleapit we were staying in wanted me to call them Mommy Tired of getting the crap beaten out of me every drunken night or hungover morning by the miserable son of a bitch who called himself my father I left that sorry past behind at the not so tender age of fifteen My real mother She died giving birth The surprise was too much for her the son of a bitch told me every single day As I watched my small town world pass by I was nearly bowled over I looked up to the departing backside Tall guy Dressed in a fedora a shiny suit white socks and shiny black leather shoes Sorry buddy I should watch out Shouldn t you be back in the valley growing corn He turned to face me Hammer Didn t notice you down there What brings you to Can They need a short order cook or something Righty Lieskowitz Of all people Righty is a left handed son of a bitch who lives on the wrong side of the law He s second in command of the Bingo Silzer gang a conglomerate of dimwits who fritter about the edge of the underworld in Cowtown picking up the bits and pieces even Dave Clark wouldn t be interested in Righty being in Can didn t auger well for two and two coming up four I slipped on my brass knuckles and just for old times sake gave him a shot to the lower stomach area. Hammer time dance move I ve had to deal with guys like Righty all my life Guys who think a short guy is a pushover In one of the few schools I had stayed at than a single term a bully used to beat me up every day on my way home At the time my father had managed to keep the same girlfriend for a couple of months A record for him She d sworn off booze and drugs and for those few months there was someone in my life who gave a damn She refused to help me It would only get worse if she stepped in she told me One day in my Grade 2 year I at last fought back All the rage that had built up inside me came out I beat the crap out of my tormentor having learned the lesson my one time mommy wanted me to What brings you to Can Righty You lost or something Vacation Hammer he managed in between spews This is the wrong place for you Righty The rest of the boys here with you Nah They re at a yoga retreat Sounds like them You need to get out of my town Righty Before you get a lefty It s a free country Hammer Maybe for citizens Righty Pond scum need to stay where they belong One of these days Hammer Wait in line dickwad Smug assholes shouted someone from inside the nearest coffee shop The place used to be known as Al s Coffee when it was one of only two coffee shops in town Old timers in Al s weekenders in the other Now Now there are a dozen or places you can get a cup of Joe the last time I added up After Al was eaten by a bear Al s Coffee became Beanz Me Up and was claimed as a hangout by people with imagined dietary restrictions Then like a cell getting ready to divide Beanz Me Up split apart The Lactose Intolerants moved to the left and the Gluten Frees took up residence on the right The Gluten Frees took the Lactose Intolerants bait Shut up fartbags someone in their group retorted A non dairy creamer sailed by and struck one of the Gluten Frees in the forehead A cloud of inedible muffins went by in the other direction turning the argument into a full fledged food fight The barista dove for cover behind the counter The Gluten Frees had a clear advantage Their leaden pastries were taking a toll on the Lactose Intolerants meager arsenal of small plastic containers I made it around the corner to the steps to my office just in time to avoid their full scale retreat They re going to lose our business that s for sure one of the Intolerants whined as he attempted to clean mutated crumbs from his hemp shirt succeeding only in rubbing them in deeply Let s start our own shop said another a proclamation greeted with rare and sure to be brief agreement In the blink of an eye the discussion over what to name the prospective and unnecessary coffee shop turned to an argument threatening to splinter the nascent group It wasn t just the Intolerants Everybody in town is fighting with everybody else these days Blame it on the goddamned bunnies They re tearing this mountain town apart Two years ago some fool had let a pair of breeding bunnies loose Soon there were a dozen then a few hundred no matter how insignificant it might be and coffee shops were multiplying to accommodate the growing number of uncompromising views It was the bunny boom that started it all it is the bunnies that are ruining a mountain haven and turning it into a place where a guy couldn t walk unfettered down the sidewalk he used to call his own Hammer Time Jack Hammer 1 Something like PG Wodehouse sauteed with pulp fiction a sprinkle of the Marx Brothers from time to time and some very useful environmental insights. Hammer time deck The Canadian ski town of Can is careening down a rocky slope and locals are hoping that their travel sized investigator Jack Hammer will pull his head out of his ass long enough to end the threat Fortunately what Hammer lacks in height intelligence and money management skills is than balanced in tough guy attitude and he has friends. Literature fiction hammer time pdf Anyone who s enjoyed Kinky Freedman s forays into this type of fiction should have a good time with this one since it s consistently much funnier than Freedman An entertaining book to travel with if you like investigations that are not taking themselves too seriously Please note that a copy of this book was received free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review Nate Briggs for the Kindle Book Review Hammer Time Jack Hammer 1 A hilarious sendup of Can combined with a satire of adolescent male fantasies Hammer Time Jack Hammer 1 .

: Hammer time feet Righty deposited his breakfast on the sidewalk Do you have to always do that Righty asked. South park hammer time episode Righty deposited his breakfast on the sidewalk Do you have to always do that Righty asked.I married a Scottish Cherokee woman My children are thankful